In the first week I was amazed.  My kids were so eager to help and were almost fighting over who’s turn it was to make dinner.  I have 3 children and we  decided to rotate.  The best night seems to be Monday because you get to choose the treat for Family Night.  My oldest child was first to cook.  He did wonderful!  We all cheered at the dinner table and decided he earned 5 stars for that meal. (that has now become a tradition and every night the kids ask how many stars they earned)  The next night was my second son’s turn.  Now mind you, he is our pickiest eater.  He has come a long way, but there is still a long road to travel for him.  I was a little nervous, but to my surprise he actually ate what we fixed.  Yay! A mother’s silent prayer had been answered.  And not only did he eat dinner that night, he has eaten all kinds of new things in the last few weeks.  Everything from steak to spaghetti with meat sauce.

Three weeks later I have to say I really think it is worth it.  It’s not easy, and there are days I miss having my own time in the kitchen while I prepare a meal.  But I’m glad to be shaping my children in a good way.  I love to see their eager faces as I tell them it’s their turn to sprinkle the cheese on the pizza or roll out the tortilla dough. They are even learning how to read a recipe. In fact a few days ago, while I chatted on the phone with my sister in law, the boys worked together and made the meat sauce for our spaghetti all by themselves.  And that’s from scratch…

Advise for those who may want to try this?  Decide what works best for you.  Start out slow if you need to. I jumped right in, but if it’s better for you, pick one night a week to have the kids help. This way you won’t get burned out quickly.  Maybe let your child pick their favorite meal to help fix.  Plan to spend more time in the kitchen than you would if you were preparing the meal yourself. Also, explain everything as you are doing it.  Children are like sponges.  They soak it all up.  My four year old now knows what a recipe is, she knows what a measuring spoon is, and she knows that to make a meal you need ingredients.  My ten year old knows what a pastry cutter is and how to use it. And my seven year old knows that the number one rule in the kitchen is to wash your hands.  He also knows most all of the ingredients in chocolate chip cookies!  My last piece of advice is to feel good that you are shaping our future one step at time.  You are creating children that will be independent and know how to fix their own meals someday.  And you’ll be building relationships with your children that no microwaved T.V. dinner will ever do.

Do you have you kids help in the kitchen? What works for you? Let us know in the comments section below.

UPDATE: Here is the video that I referenced:

Often times as a mom I get so caught up in everyday life that I forget to compliment my children.  I am so lucky to have 3 wonderful children, yet it seems that the day to day business of life gets in the way of letting them know that.  Children are very driven by what adults, especially ones who care about them think.  They rely on our feedback and it helps them in everyday situations.  It also sets and example for them to pass on compliments and kids words to others.

This thought prompted me to set a goal and come up with a simple plan.  Each day when my kids come to me for a morning hug, I give them a compliment.  Maybe it’s  as simple as “good job for not getting out of bed after I tucked you in last night.” Or maybe it’s “I love the way you always wake up so happy.”  What ever it is, I try to make it meaningful.  I’m sure they won’t remember every single nice word I say to them in the morning, but my hope is that they will know that I love them, and I appreciate who they are. It’s always nice to have a positive start to the morning too!

Another benefit to doing this is that by my example they may see a friend who needs a lift and give them a compliment.  What goes around comes around.  Let’s keep raising good kids!

As much as I didn’t want to watch the game, I knew it was important to him, and he would enjoy having a little party as part of the festivities. So, I gladly agreed. He invited a friend from work and his family, and we began our party planning. We enjoyed the family outing yesterday to buy all of the food, and spent the afternoon together today as a couple preparing the goodies. Our guests arrived and we had a wonderful time watching the game and getting to know each other. Our kids played together well, and all enjoyed a great meal.

At the end of the day, my husband expressed his thanks for my help and support in making it a fun evening. It was a wonderful opportunity for me to take an event, such as watching a football game, that was important to him, and having fun and making it a good time for him. Oftentimes our spouses want to do things that aren’t totally up our alley of interests, and it’s easy to just say no. Take a step back and think about what it will do for your relationship by agreeing to the event and making it fun. It’s no good to go along with an outing and complain along the way. Sure, it would be easy to just explore your interests separately, but that will only make you spend extra time away from each other. By making an effort to do things together, whether you think you’ll like it or not, you are growing closer together as you spend the time together. You may be surprised at some newfound interests! So, give you spouse a chance, and show some support in the things they like to do. It will only help your relationship.

1. Don’t Major the Minors: Basically let the small stuff go or as I like to remind myself, we need to pick our battles. Set a list of priorities that you are going to stand firm on and let the other stuff go every once and a while. Like the article mentions there’s never been a child that has had serious harm by going one night without brushing their teeth or taking a bath. As long as you are standing firm with the rules that you fell strongly about everything else will turn out ok.
2. Assume your Home is Wired with a Nanny Cam: Sometimes it’s easy to let the politeness slide with our kids, especially when we know that nobody else is watching. If we run our household as though somebody is watching we will tend to be more polite to everyone and deal with situations differently. If you have a hard time with this concept actually set up a video camera for one night and go about your business with the family. At your convenience watch the tape and take notes on what you might improve on.
3. Put Guilt in it’s Place-Generally in the Trash Can!: Although guilt is a great motivator at times, we need to watch how often we use it. Try to only use guilt if it’s being used for a teachable moment. As difficult as it may be as a parent our kids need to hear the word “no” at times and there’s no way of getting around it.
4. If it Didn’t Work Before, Try Something New: There are all kinds of books and suggestions on how to discipline kids. Every kid is different which means that not every solution is going to work for every kid. You need to choose a technique that works best for your family or better yet your child. I have first hand knowledge of this. Our oldest son is extremely social so a time out is torture for him. He will do all he can to avoid this. Our second son on the other hand enjoys being by himself and would sit in a time out for an hour. This son is also pretty sensitive so usually having a good talk with him does the trick. Remember that just because your mom handled things one way while you were growing up, that it will work for you. Also what worked before might get old and need to be adjusted.
5. Focus on Teaching Compassion and Gratitude as Though you Would Teach Math and Reading: We often strive to make sure our children can read and are up to the standards in Math, but sometimes we forget that things like compassion and gratitude need to be taught to our kids as well. Yes, every so often and angel child will be born and these things will come more naturally to them, but that’s not the norm. Have plenty of discussions with your children and teach them the difference between right and wrong. Remind them how if feels when they are not treated fairly so they will not want to treat others that way. Have your kids help with meaningful service so they can learn to appreciate what they have. This also helps keep them from wanting more and more all the time.

By putting these tactics into play you will be on your way to having a more positive parenting experience. I know that not every day is perfect, but there is always a new day to start fresh.

We have three children and our oldest is only 5 1/2. Any mother who has older children will tell me that I have only just begun on this emotional journey. When our son entered Kindergarten this year I went through the usual crying for a few days as I dropped him off at school, where I wasn’t sure what he would be doing all day and couldn’t make certain everyone was nice to him. Today I had the experience of worrying like I hope won’t ever have to do again. There was an incident in the community that warranted a lockdown at all of the schools in the district. It was something completely unrelated to any school, but the district and police department took the precaution just in case. I am so grateful that they are so on top of what’s going on that they can assure our child’s safety as best they can. It doesn’t take away the worry though.

My heart and prayers go out to any parent whose child has been affected by the multiplicity of school shootings and crimes we hear about almost weekly. I can’t imagine the agony they feel and will never truly stop feeling. We can be the best parents around, but can’t control someone else’s actions. It’s quite sad that perfectly innocent lives can be taken in such a way. You can begin to understand why some people go to the lengths of schooling at home and trying to overprotect their children. As worried as I was today, I still don’t feel like that is the way to make my worry subside. There are wonderful things to be learned in the school system from their teachers and the socializing with friends.

I had an epiphany of sorts today as I had the stark realization that my children are going to grow up, whether I like it or not. When our babies are young, we can have complete control over their daily lives and as they age, we slowly lose that “power” per se. I’m not quite sure I’m ready for that! I begin now to understand what my mother was saying when she told me it was so hard to let go when we all went off to college when she lost that last little bit of control over our lives! It’s almost as if you spend every minute of everyday for the first 5 years teaching and molding your little one’s lives. Then as soon as they hit school age, you still teach them, but you slowly lose your total control until one day they leave you and go off to start their adult lives without you. What a raw deal!

My final thoughts about my little struggle today ends with the simple desire to make everyday count. You never know when your dynamic in your home will change, so live in the now and enjoy every minute you have with your little ones. There is so much joy in fulfillment in each day, that I don’t want to take away from that by worrying about things I can’t control. They will age, that, I cannot change.

Earlier this year, we had a tragedy in the family and it instigated one of my uncles starting up contact again with all of his extended family. I was included in that circle of people and was thrilled for the phone call and subsequent chats. It made me do a lot of thinking about why I had let myself become so lazy with my relationships. I put so much time and effort into my relationships with my close family, and love the results I get from my efforts, so why not do the same in a little broader range of people?

The holidays are a wonderful time of year to instigate contact with family that you haven’t talked to in awhile. The warm spirit of the season helps soften any hard feelings some may have for not having heard from you! I’ve been there. When I’ve been chastised by whomever, I just take it, say I’m sorry, and move on with the conversation. There really is no point in making an excuse! Send out a personalized letter to update them on your family. Give them a call if you want to catch up on the phone. These people are your heritage. Take the time to get to know each one individually and find out what you can learn from them. I have found that I’ve taken so many people in my life for granted and shortchanged myself in the process. There’s a bunch of family out there wanting to be a part of my life and my children’s life and I’ve denied them that as well.

So, pick up the phone, write a letter or do whatever you prefer to instigate some contact with your loved ones. Your efforts will be rewarded and you’ll end up wishing you had done it a whole lot sooner!

After your little discussions take the time to have a little mini-lesson on something you want the family to learn about. Our oldest is only 5, so a few weeks ago, we had a little lesson on tying your shoes. We had a ball teaching him a few ways to tie them and even our almost 3 year old sat down with her shoes and tried to tie them as well! Then pick a fun game to play or and activity and end with a tasty treat! Don’t feel like they always have to be so tightly structured. You can change it up sometimes by simply taking the family someplace fun like bowling or the movies. It’s totally up to you.

A great way to start is to use your first family night to plan. Sit down and have everyone come up with a list of things they’d like to do and learn. Then you’ll have something to pull from when planning your weekly time together. You can have them last as long or as short as you want. With little kids, ours last about 30 minutes including our activity and treat. Even with teenagers, you can usually find a time once a week to sit down together for at least a half hour. You can be flexible on what day you do it. It doesn’t have to be the same day each week, just plan ahead so everyone knows and can make it a priority to be there. Change it up a bit and rotate who does the planning of the evening. This helps your older children feel like they have some control over what’s going on and can make it fun.

Family night is a great way to stay connected as your family grows. If you start the habit early, your kids will learn to enjoy them and look forward to them well into their teens. We’ve found the more frequent we do them, the kids are the ones reminding us that family night is coming up! So, pick a day and gather everyone together. You’ll have a ton of fun.

• Wait until the children are in bed so you can talk without being interrupted.
• Don’t do it while on a date!!! Dates are for fun and romance. Sometimes talking about things can lead to a conversation that doesn’t lead to romance! That’s not what dates are for!
• Be nice and positive even if you are discussing a troublesome issue. When bringing a topic to the table, have a possible solution in mind to set the conversation up for success.
• When picking your time to talk, be committed to it and plan ahead for it. Don’t show up unprepared for what you want to talk about.
• Use this time to tell your spouse the things you are enjoying about your marriage. You don’t want these sessions to turn into a bashing session. If they get that way, you won’t be motivated to attend them!
• Set up follow-up times for the things you are working on so your discussion is not in vain.
• End on a positive note with solutions in hand to work on until the next inventory.

However you decide to do these, handle them in a way that works for both of your personalities without hurting feelings. You’ll find the more you have these sessions the less you’ll end up arguing about things you used to because you will be discussing those topics before they blow up into a fight. Just remember this is the most important relationship you have. Take the extra time to find out where you are and where you are heading together.

This commitment extends to our children and our families as a whole. There are many things we can do to ensure that all who are around us feel that commitment from us. Take the time to be at each other’s events and activities. Even small ones are important. We spent last Thursday evening at our son’s elementary school for his Thanksgiving play. He’s in Kindergarten and the little play lasted a whole 18 minutes, but it was a big deal to him. It meant a lot to him that we were all there supporting him. We even went out for ice cream afterwards. If you have a conflict that can’t be avoided, make sure you ask about the event you missed.

Many families and couples create a mission statement. These can be very powerful. It can be a poem, a song, or simply a statement that represents your family and your mutual goals. Hang it in a visible place in your home where it can be read frequently. It can help pull you back together when times are rocky. Change them when needed. As your family grows, your dynamic changes, so your mission statement can be adjusted to fit.

Just remember that the relationships we have in life are what are the most valuable. Treat them accordingly. Cherish your times together and help your loved ones to know and feel how committed you are to them.