A Mother’s Struggle to Let Go
When I found out I was pregnant with our first child, I had no idea what kind of emotional roller coaster I was beginning. I have come to realize this ride will most likely never end! A mother’s bond with their children is most certainly a unique one. You won’t find a woman out there that will dispute that. Being women, we are deeply emotional, and the desire to protect our children and control their environment is quite simply innate in us!
We have three children and our oldest is only 5 1/2. Any mother who has older children will tell me that I have only just begun on this emotional journey. When our son entered Kindergarten this year I went through the usual crying for a few days as I dropped him off at school, where I wasn’t sure what he would be doing all day and couldn’t make certain everyone was nice to him. Today I had the experience of worrying like I hope won’t ever have to do again. There was an incident in the community that warranted a lockdown at all of the schools in the district. It was something completely unrelated to any school, but the district and police department took the precaution just in case. I am so grateful that they are so on top of what’s going on that they can assure our child’s safety as best they can. It doesn’t take away the worry though.
My heart and prayers go out to any parent whose child has been affected by the multiplicity of school shootings and crimes we hear about almost weekly. I can’t imagine the agony they feel and will never truly stop feeling. We can be the best parents around, but can’t control someone else’s actions. It’s quite sad that perfectly innocent lives can be taken in such a way. You can begin to understand why some people go to the lengths of schooling at home and trying to overprotect their children. As worried as I was today, I still don’t feel like that is the way to make my worry subside. There are wonderful things to be learned in the school system from their teachers and the socializing with friends.
I had an epiphany of sorts today as I had the stark realization that my children are going to grow up, whether I like it or not. When our babies are young, we can have complete control over their daily lives and as they age, we slowly lose that “power” per se. I’m not quite sure I’m ready for that! I begin now to understand what my mother was saying when she told me it was so hard to let go when we all went off to college when she lost that last little bit of control over our lives! It’s almost as if you spend every minute of everyday for the first 5 years teaching and molding your little one’s lives. Then as soon as they hit school age, you still teach them, but you slowly lose your total control until one day they leave you and go off to start their adult lives without you. What a raw deal!
My final thoughts about my little struggle today ends with the simple desire to make everyday count. You never know when your dynamic in your home will change, so live in the now and enjoy every minute you have with your little ones. There is so much joy in fulfillment in each day, that I don’t want to take away from that by worrying about things I can’t control. They will age, that, I cannot change.
